Dad’s Kiss-up Points, or DKP for short

Let’s see here, how can I explain this without sounding like more of a madman than people already think I am.

Do you have kids? I do. Three lovely youngsters who see at times to exist for the sole purpose of fighting with each other.

One of their favorite arguments is to plead favoritism, trying to get the referee (in this case me) to side with them. They use such eloquent arguments as “but, she went first last time!” or “We always watch what she wants! (sob)” and a personal favorite “I do more than him, I should get to have my way!” 

Much thought ensued. Yes it made my brain hurt, but that’s what Tylenol is for. I decided that in order to truly determine who I should play favorites in favor of, I need to have a way to measure and record things like chores and school grades. The idea I came up with was simple and elegant. By behaving in a good manner, doing chores on time, and getting good grades in school the kids would be able to earn points that they could later spend to get what they wanted.

Since they will be working towards impressing dear old dad in order to get their way, I have decided to call these “Dad’s Kiss-up Points”, or DKP for short.

Points will be gathered as follows:

1. Each task will be assigned a set number of points based on how much it sucks to do. For instance doing a load of laundry is not quite as unpleasant as cleaning puppy landmines out of the back yard.

2. All tasks, and their respective points values will be posted on the “Kids can do this” board. Check frequently or you may miss out.

3. Any tasks on the “kids can do this” list that end up being done by parents will result in a loss of the chores full amount of DKP from each kid. In short, I don’t care who does it, as long as it gets done.

4. Good grades in school will also be rewarded, with bonus points for things like perfect attendance. 

 

Points can be spent later on either cash rewards (call it an allowance based on how hard they actually work) or to resolve disagreements using the silent auction method. Once an argument starts…

I want to watch Spongebob!…  Spongebob sucks, I want to watch Mtv!…. Mtv sucks!….. You suck!…….DAAAAAD!

 As I was saying before they lost their damn minds situations like this call for an auction.

Each kid simply writes what they want to watch and how many points they are willing to spend to get it on a slip of paper and hands them to Dad. The winner gets what they wanted and uses up a bit of their pool of DKP. It is up to them weather watching spongebob in place of Mtv was really worth burning all their points and not getting an allowance this week.

See, I told you I could play favorites yet still be fair.